When There Is No Routine

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12 1/2 pounds gone! I am very proud of myself. It’s a great start of week 4. This week my challenges include a lot of helter skelter to my daily day. I will be staying at work very late, attending meets at night and working 16 hour days. So how do I plan to stay on my new way of life?

It’s all about preplanning. Today I packed many snacks. I have a low fat cheese stick, cut veggies and hummus, South Beach snack bar, strawberries, and  sugar free jello. For lunch I have a couple lamb chops that were from dinner Sunday and a bag of Steamers, Cauliflower and Broccoli. I started the day with South Beach’s High Protein  Chocolate Shake. Let’s not forget about the water! I am prepared this day. For me it’s a lot of being prepared and having time to do this stuff beforehand, like cutting veggies.

Tomorrow will be just as hectic with a late night meeting. I am going to try and be just as prepared.As my weight loss is slowing down I notice many days of nothing. I know that if I were exercising which I must start doing that my weight loss would be significantly more. I will wrap my brains about that next week.

Getting Back in the Saddle

Even though we are thousands miles away, something definitely connects us because I also had a rough weekend. Or week rather.

I had my first ever work trip last week that took me to Las Vegas for three days. It was an a amazing experience that stuck me right in the middle of the entire film industry. While I averaged about 10,000 steps, I was also given free reign to room service FOR FREE. So who am I to choose the cheaper, blander salad over the delicious filet mignon with french fries? I stayed away from alcohol besides sharing an alcoholic slushie that was truly not worth the calories, but all my coworkers were partaking and I felt I had to as well.

Unfortunately, I’d hoped my diet would rebound when I returned on Thursday. But I struggled with turning down AGAIN FREE pizza that covered dinner and lunch the next day. Weekends I usually only eat one to two big meals and I allow myself to cheat. But, I truly need to settle in on weekends. Yes, postmates makes getting good food easier than ever. But it’s not easy on my wallet or waistline. Cooking during the weekends is a MUST for me going forward.

Now, while I would love nothing more than chalking up the last week and the diet as a whole as a loss and go back to eating what I want, I need to refocus. I won’t give up regardless of how hard this is. Mistakes and bumps happen. Temptation is real and sometimes we give in. But it’s not about how many times you get thrown off course. It’s about how you find your way back.

And just to give you a little taste of the daily temptation, here is a picture of the food my office constantly has stocked and ready for the taking.

-Apple

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Killer Weekend/Mushroom Broth

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Yes after this weekend I gained a pound. Can I say I hate my family? Seriously no one was shoving the food into my mouth but me. You also don’t see me making sticky buns first thing Sunday morning either! Friday through Monday morning is a battle. It’s a battle because while I know “I” am the one on the diet and no one should have to suffer but me, I still feel some support would be wonderful.

Ok.ok.ok.my husband is supportive in helping me prepare for the week. This week he cooked for me pork chops and grilled chicken, all ready to grab and go for lunch or dinner. He also sautes ahead of time spinach, garlic and onions. This makes for a great additive for morning scrambled eggs or even a side veggie . Its what he eats during the weekends that draw me in and make me gobble more.

For example our local Acme has a container of homemade guacamole. I count out 14 Wheat thins, low sodium.I eat them and now need MORE. Instead of walking away , I eat probably 4 servings and finish it off with my hubby.-_- . Next was the bag of popcorn I popped and ate the whole thing.Friday was my treat day! I had planned to go out with friends for A slice of pizza. This is an every Friday lunch date event and last week to stay in the diet I didnt go.So this Friday I was prepared, normally I get 2 pieces of thin plain Brooklyn pizza.I was allowing myself ONE. I get there and what do I do? I order the same, two. I don’t know what came over me. They are not very big but still I was allowing myself one, with no cheating but no, I had to have TWO.

My husband did a really cool thing, I recommend this for those on a diet. He made me mushroom broth. He boiled mushrooms adding fried onions. This also cocks the mushrooms. When he was done he strained the broth and put it in a large container. Now I have mushrooms with onions to add to a scramble or any dish. More importantly I have a container of broth which I can add healthy things to, to make a soup. I chop up the grilled chicken, throw in some of those mushrooms, even the cooked spinach. I now have a hearty soup that is a full meal! It is delicious and filling!

My goal this week is no cheats and ONE piece of pizza on Friday!

Preparation

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Like anything being prepared makes the difference. If you are going for that interview, know everything you can about it and the person you are interviewing with. If your final exam is coming up, wishing upon a star isn’t going to cut it, you must study. Dieting is the same thing. You must know what is next , what is down the road and have  contingency plan for things that didn’t follow your action  plan.

One of the reasons I chose South Beach is because it was one I haven’t tried yet. I have done them all just about. They all work, some just taste shittier than others. I am a lifetime member of Jenny Craig. I did Nutrisystem when it came out years ago and of course there is old faithful, Weight Watchers.You can add Atkins, Cabbage Soup and other various diets too. All of these plans work. They do. Its about finding what works for you.

I needed a non thinking, go to plan that I could just make and eat.. South Beach’s Week 1 is a no brainer.I looked on my little chart, grabbed it and went. Veggies were on me but the steamable bags were simple. The food while MUCH smaller in portions than I had been eating was very tasty and for the most part filling with the added vegetables. Now comes Week 2. This is a whole different ball game.I need to PREPLAN I need to think through when I am going to eat and what. Even worse, the foods I was going to choose had to be in my fridge! This is called…..preparation. Something I definitely need to work on.To make this diet succeed I need to work on my preparation!

Week 2-Starting…

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Well I made it to the 250’s! I survived Week 1 of the rather strict South Beach Diet. It was not too much of a struggle to be honest. My cheats were an over indulgence of almond, while allowed on the diet probably not the amount that I ate. The other cheat I had wasd Nutrisystem  popcorn which another person had given me, sitting in my drawer. All in all I was proud of myself. It was difficult to stay on the same number for so many days after being very carefukl. I lost 5.9 lbs in the first week.

The weekend was more difficult than I thought. Due to his work I see my husband Fri-Sunday, with him leaving Mon morning after me. As mentioned before, he is the cook in the house. He prepared for me 3 homemade stuffed chicken breasts for this week. He stuffed it with spinach, mushrooms and a little sprinkle of low fat cheese. I have to cut each into half because they are FAR from 4 oz.While the stuffing is all dietetic it is almost impossible to not eat the whole damn piece! I WANTED it! I NEEDED it! I didnt have it.I will be having the other half today for lunch.

 

Day 2 & 2 lbs Shed!

It was rewarding to get on the scale and receive an immediate reward for following the diet strictly on Day 1. The only thing I did wrong was I was 16oz away from drinking all 64 oz of water. I would like to say I woke up feeling happy and excited to move along on this journey but that didn’t happen. I received a reminder that I need more potassium when at 4:45AM my calf cramped up and had me hopping around the bedroom cursing like a truck driver. My stomach is unsettled probably not understanding what all the green stuff was doing, used to processed food and lots of junk.

I have all the excuses in the world. Three foot surgeries, bad knees could have had a hand in it.The truth of the matter is its all about overeating and not exercising. I just didn’t want too.As the pounds crept on I kept saying,to myself I can stop this, I just don’t want too. That was a half truth. I definitely didn’t want to stop and no I couldn’t stop.I love wine with dinner, I like bread and butter, Italian hoagies, cheesesteaks, pasta but most of all I love sweets.

This morning I took pictures of myself, the before. Evaluating them was a bit surreal, Now I understand why I am called grossly obese by medical terms. I am embarrassed. I don’t want to show anyone what I look like naked, least of all Apple. She should be embarrassed by me.I always wanted to be a Mom she could look up to and be proud to have me as her Mother. Somewhere I failed in the self image, body weight thing. It is apparent in her own comments that I passed on some of my own issues to her.It did make me cry. Last May at her college graduation I was a size 20. I wanted to be a size 16. It didn’t happen. I was the heaviest of all the parents she introduced me too.So I am going to post this hideous picture

. I will warn you it isn’t pretty.

For me it will be a reminder of how I slid so far but it will also be my battle cry of no more.

A New Beginning

Self Love. What a strange concept. It should be second nature by now to love the very thing that is the only constant in our lives. But it isn’t constant. And that’s an issue.

All throughout high school, I was obsessed with being some different, someone better. I had grown up a chubby kid with lots of spunk and attitude. At around middle school, I, like many other boys and girls, started realizing the way I looked was not the way everyone else wanted me to look. I was an actress by nature and my dream to grace the oscars red carpet in a custom Alexander McQueen gown would never become a reality with my current weight. I was bombarded with images and media showing me that if I wanted to be on their covers I needed to look a certain way. By high school, this had manifested in an obsessive need to lose weight.

I would weigh myself every single day if not multiple times a day. With every bite I took, all I could ever think was where would this manifest on my body. Although all I could ever think about was my weight, I actually did very little to change it. I began rowing crew competitively and fell in love with the sport and my team. Six days a week practicing towards a definable goal changed my life. I ate healthier to make my muscles grow to make me better at my sport. The weight began to shed pretty effortlessly, now whether this was real weight rather than just baby fat is debatable. Either way, I started to look more confident and healthy. On the inside, however, the internalized self-hatred was still as strong as ever. I lamented how I looked while being oblivious to my own changes. Yes I was losing weight and smaller than ever, but I still felt fat and unwanted.

By graduation, I was at my lowest weight of 150 lbs (I’m 5’9 by the way). I was so excited to start college and new life hundreds of miles away from who I was. And college was great. Even without rowing in my life, I was able to keep my weight down and refrain from getting the dreaded freshman 15. But as classes got harder and my schedule got crazy, my eating and drinking habits got worse. I was at times an emotional wreck, as are most college students. Throughout all of this I gained more weight than I can fathom. Worse of all, I stopped working out. Sports were once my lifeline to success and happiness and now I had completely lost that part of me. If I worked out three times a month that was a good month. Going into my senior year, I knew something had to change. I was going out into the world soon and I didn’t want to be this person I no longer recognized.

The first step in all of this was joining Orangetheory Fitness. It was a gym like no other I had attended before. It was high intensity interval training in a competitive team atmosphere. I quickly became obsessed going 5 or 6 times a week. Through this gym and new gym family, I began to feel something like myself again. I began to regain my muscle and blisters that I used to be so proud of that showed just how hard I worked. Throughout the second half of my senior year, I really took the chance not just to change my body, but also my mind. I began to cultivate this strange concept of “self-love” and try and be happy with who I am.

Now it’s almost a year later and I finally feel ready to change my eating habits to match my workout routine. Although one of the reasons I am doing this is to lose weight that is not the final goal. I’ve learned that no matter my weight I’m going to have problems. Being skinny and pretty won’t solve anything. Even when I was at my smallest I look back and realize how unhappy I was. Weight doesn’t change that. I am significantly heavier today, but have so much more happiness and respect for myself than back then. This blog is to chronicle a mother and daughter’s journey to health and happiness. It is to inspire others to find their own self love. I can want to change my own body while still having respect for everything it’s accomplished. This is going to be an amazing journey and I hope you follow both of us along.

-Apple